Distraught Self

For the past months (probably years), I have been struggling to get myself together. As mentioned on my previous post, my distraught self seems to be getting the best of me, but *snap* I am *snap* not *snap* letting *snap* that *snap* happen.



Do you ever feel that sometimes you should be doing something else but there are restraints and hesitations?

I always wanted to be a writer by career but I'm very hesitant with the skill that I have. This is a battle that I'm facing with myself; I lack confidence and I feel like there are already too many good writers out there, and there's no place for me. Aside from being a writer, I also want to be a photographer and a video editor. These are the top 3 careers that I want to pursue but then again, thyself is just too weak to move forward.

I once had a job where I loved what I do but the environment became very toxic that I had to let go. I was never the type of person who can mingle with people who are too hungry for power. Now I'm back to my old self where I question life. But don't get me wrong, I don't regret leaving my previous job.

But let's face it, writing as a career doesn't pay well. Especially if you're in the Philippines. Luckily enough, I enjoy my current day job but I cannot lie to you, I miss writing.

If I want to get away from life for a moment, I read books or watch movies. Lately, I've been challenging myself to read more books than usual. I read when I ride the train to work for 30 minutes everyday. After doing my skin care routine at night, I read. The result was satisfying as it acts like a therapy to save me from my day. It made me join Goodreads as well.

As I was closing my year, I promised myself that I will read more and write more. No matter how lame it is, I'm going to write it down. For starters, Goodreads made me fall in love with books even more. I even decided to look for groups where I can share my frustration and passion about writing.

Even though we're all strangers, these writers (aspiring and professional) gave me a silver lining that anything is possible as long as you don't quit. They helped me sink in the realization that most authors only started to gain attention years after they have published their books.

I might feel frustrated but I will start with a clean slate. I don't have the right to claim that I'm writing professionally as of the moment. So for now, I will write, not only to develop and pursue my passion, but hopefully to inspire as well.

Note to self and to you who are reading this: If you have days like this, when you feel frustrated and lost, always, always remember that you are not alone. Shit happens, deal with it, move forward, be better, and repeat. That's life. But you have to put in mind that tomorrow is always the door to opportunities.

Soon, you'll see a book that has my name written as an author. You'll see. ;-)